Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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