He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I look better un-naked...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
