guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
