I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize