I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My dick has a subreddit
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
