There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
