I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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