Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
