home. puking in laundry basket.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize