ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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