The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
