My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
