That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
