I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
