now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think i have two assholes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
