I swear she didn't look like that last week.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
