I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
