I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
