Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Vodka?
Forever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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