i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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