but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize