if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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