So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
