FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
