Umm I'm too high to move.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
