omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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