We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
