I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
