Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
