dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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