Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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