one two three fourrrrnication!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
