I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
