Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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