I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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