Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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