after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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