life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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