I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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