I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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