well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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