I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's always time for handjobs
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
