You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
