You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just pee around me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize