Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize