Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
