i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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