so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
