Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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