You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
