That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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