If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
