I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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