Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
