Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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