dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
