Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
