but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
