I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
