Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
