need another drink. this is the easiest way
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize