I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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