Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
