so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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