Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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