i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize