she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
