FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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