My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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